Nerdtacular III: The Wrath of the Über Nerd (Part I)

Commentator's voice: Welcome back faithful readers. In the last installment our hero, the humble, the great, the good looking, the handsome, the powerful, the magnificent, the acrobatic, the giving, the merciful, the enigma, the potato, the fish, the sock, I love lamp..... wait I'm rambling, Hem! sorry about that. Now where was I?.. oh yeah, our hero David, the Brave Mexican was in deep poo as he was captured by the Nerds who work for the Über Nerd. Will this be the last we ever see of our hero as a normal person?

Captains log: I don't know how I got to this point but it feels right, the knowledge of all the WOW (that's the acronym for World of Warcraft) levels available to Men, the lour of Dungeons and Dragons, the enigma which is the love affair that one can have with trading cards, the many lost hours one can spend online playing with people I can't even see and probably will never meet..... wait this is not where..... I'm missing something, where did my desire for a normal life go? I love physical activity, I love sports, don't I?. This is all happening so fast, I'm chained up in what looks like a basement with rusty pipes all over the sealing, the smell of mildew and stale pizza is suffocating. I feel my hands thirst for blood circulation, it's hard to move, what happened? I try to move my arm's and they are suspended above my head, It looks like I'm handcuffed. Ah! my head, it aches reminiscing of a night of heavy drinking, I feel a bit dizzy and I'm having trouble focusing my eye sight. Drip... Drip.... Drip is all I hear, the beat of a single droplet of water obeying the law of gravity on its way down to meet its doom upon hitting the ground which has collected enough drops that a puddle of water has gathered. All the sudden I hear foot steps and laughter, the Über Nerd!

Über Nerd: Hello David, its been a good battle, but all must come to an end sometime. And now it's your turn to come to an end.
David: Well well well I see that time has not been kind to you Über, or is that the lack of sun and motion?
Über Nerd: Funny, I see you haven't lost your sense of humor. I'm glad because you will loose the rest of what makes you, you.
David: What do you mean?
Über Nerd: Oh my Nerds didn't tell you? I completely re arranged your thoughts soon enough you will be one of us! hahahahah!
David: Holy Crap!
Über Nerd: Yes I know what you are thinking, "No I don't want to be a Nerd, you guys are a bunch of girls who never date and if you do then its all done online" and maybe that's true but its great!, think about it man, just think about it. You could be my right hand Nerd, the pack leader. Ah, what do you think?
David: Never! I will fight this to the end, you hear me! to the END!
Über Nerd: Then so be it!. NERDS! make sure he doesn't go anywhere, I want him ready to serve as soon as I comeback, its almost 8, my mom needs me to clean my room and Babygotback09 is waiting for our Cyber date. Wish me luck!
Nerd 1: Good luck Scott!
Nerd 2: Yeah good luck Scott
Über Nerd: Idiots I told you not to call me that! its Boss when we are around guest. Gosh!

And off he went, up the stairs to his room. Now if I can only mustard the strength to get rid of these Nerds and get myself free, there must be some sort of way I can reverse this spell. I got it! his Dungeons and Dragons play night dates, they must know how to reverse this. The Nerds are off to themselves playing Pokemon, I must brake loose, this is the time, I won't have a better chance. I start to yank on the pipe that I'm handcuffed to and I notice it's starts to budge a little bit, so I make sure the Nerds don't notice... I'm clear. I tug once more and it rattles more, I feel it coming down, the Nerds are fully aware now, they start to make their way towards me and I, in a panic yank the whole pipe down with me, as it comes down It takes one of the Nerds down splashing the other one with a stream of water. The basement starts to flood, with water up to my ankles I run up to the other Nerd before he is able to get up and I kick him right on the gut, he lets out a noise that resembles a Yelp from a Chihuahua. I pay no attention to it and I make sure they aren't getting back up. I take the key from his pocket and undo the handcuffs.

I run up the stairs and I'm getting closer to madness, I feel weak, my limbs start to fluctuate from muscle to fat and back to muscle, my face starts to hurt as pimples begin to surface, my vision is getting blurry, I must hurry and escape this place before It consumes me whole. As I make my way to the door I see a battalion of Nerds, they are everywhere, this is not going to be easy. I start making my way through the ranks of Nerds, knocking 2 to 3 at a time, 1-2 1-2 combos, chin kicks, kidney punches, I'm laying them down, my rage is strong, my adrenaline is pumping and I come to the end of the line... I'm beat, I'm not myself, I feel like my knees are about to give out on me. Just as I feel like I'm home free I see the Über Henchman, He is a menacing figure ready to tango, I take one last sip of breath and we engage in battle!...

To Be Continued......

Nerdtacular: Part Deux

Commentators voice: Our hero is trapped, the nerds are all around him, how on earth will he escape this?!?, please keep calm, he is an expert at evading NERDS.


Captains log: The last time we talked I was surrounded by nerds, I had just taken them down and the Über Nerd was slowly approaching me, with a look of hate, terror and pain. I was getting ready to battle one last time but the movie started.

Now the movie ends and the lights come back on, An amazing movie it was (Wait, did I just say that with a Yoda accent? Oh my!) The nerd force is strong, I can feel my thoughts ramble, all my love for Sports and physical activity is slowly turning to hate and loath, this is not happening!..... must.... fight..... the force!. I notice the Über Ned's hand is pointing straight at me, he must be using some sort of Nerd power he learned at his Dungeons and Dragons game night, what ever it may be its working. I must snap out of it, but the grip is strong, I'm beginning to crave trading cards, I feel the desire of a membership to World of Warcraft, but in my mind I refer to it as WOW. NO! I'm being turned in to another one of his followers, quick man think!. I look down at the floor and I notice an Obi-Wan Kenobi bubble head doll, with all my might and strength I pick it up and throw it at him, and just as I thought, the love of Star Wars was way more strong than his desire to turn me in to a Nerd.

After his grip is gone, just like magic my thoughts begin to become normal, suddenly I remember who the Quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts is again, I remember who won the NBA championship last year. Oh that was a close one, but it won't last long, I must make a move while he is in the trance of Obi-Wan. With my secret Ninja ability I jump kick him right on the chin and send him flying down the steps of the Megaplex, I run down to finish the job once and for all but out of nowhere 2 Nerds jump at me, I stand back in my Ninja stance, thinking what the next move will be...... One Two punch to the chin! one down, one to go. Com on Mr. Nerd, make my day!

A kick to the head knocks me down for just a few seconds, I get back up and wipe the bit of blood left on my lip, oh its on and popin now! wham! two kicks to the balls and down like a tree he goes, as I laugh and point at the nerd reminiscing of the way people would point and laugh at me back in high school I notice that the Über Nerd has vanished, I run as fast as I can trying to catch up to him, but it's too late. He has vanished, this will not happen again. I run back inside and I grab one of the Nerds I had taken down, as I hold him up in the air with one arm (they aren't that heavy) with my other arm I make a fist and threaten to pop every zit in his face with pliers if he doesn't tell me the location of the Über Nerd.

I sneak up in the shadows, I take a peek with my binoculars and I spot him, the Über Nerd! sitting with his Hench men, 3 of them to be exact. This might get bloody, but I am ready for whats ahead, I must rid this world of its Nerd population once and for all. As I start to get up I feel someones presence behind me, I turn around and just as I thought, a pack of Nerds!, I try to engage in battle but as soon as I start to gather my Fighting thoughts I get knocked out cold by one of the Nerds.

Commentators voice: With our hero out cold, who, I say who will save this world from Nerd domination?!, will our hero come to in time? or will he be finally turned in to one of them? for the answers to this and other questions tune in next time to the adventures of David the brave Mexican.

Nerdtacular: Part I

Nerdtacular, the final frontier. These are the voyages of David. His continuing mission, to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new nerd life and new nerd civilizations. To boldly go where no regular man has gone before.

Captains Log: Its a sunny Saturday morning in the middle of spring, the mini van's wheels are roaring through the freeway, our destination is the West Jordan Megaplex. I'm prepared for the events that will transpire in a few moments. My hands are sweating, my heart is beating so hard I can almost see it ripping it self out of my chest. My stomach is begging me for some sort of solid matter. The mini van pulls up to the nearby Carl's Jr. In there we enjoy the taste of fresh meat, tots and the thirst quenching flavor of Minute Made Lemonade. The doors slam shut, our belly's are full, once again our minds are focused on the mission at hand. We pull up to the Megaplex and as I had expected, it is full of Nerds. This is going to be tougher than I thought........


"Live long and prosper." He gives the proper Vulcan salute, the Star Trek star pin on his red shirt begins to blink with a red light, I think to myself. "Where the hell am I?" this is Nerdtacular ladies and gentleman, the place where nerds from all over the galaxy come, to enjoy each others presence, to finally meet each other, no longer are they just a name on the computer screen, they have faces and bodies. Some are big, some are small, some are tall, some are ugly and some are just flat out weird. But my mission is not to judge, but to catalog the amazing force that nerds bring to this world. Its amazing to see the outcome for this private screening of Star Trek. They are everywhere, I'm beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed, I'm ready to face off with the best of them. We get down and dirty, full on confrontation mode. I remember one of the episodes of the Original Star Trek, captain Kirk is about to face off with an evil martian of some sort. But this is a worse threat, something Mr. Shatner never faced, NERDS! World of Warcraft Nerds, Star Trek Nerds, Comic book Nerds, all sorts and kinds. I take one down and 3 more appear, its never ending. I'm wounded, I'm fatigued ready to give up, but then I get an extra surge of strength and I pin them all down. Just as I am done with the herd of Nerds, I look up and I see the Über Nerd of them all, the one who set all this up. This is it, what I came here for, as I get in my battle stance the lights go off and the movie starts. Sorry Über Nerd, this match will have to wait!

Commentators Voice: What will happen to our hero? will the Über Nerd have the upper hand on him? will David come out on top? will he be overtaken by Nerds and transformed to a Nerd himself? For the answer to these questions stay tuned to the adventures of David the brave Mexican!

Lessons learned from Nathaniel

PART I
"What?!, 12 main Entrees in this menu? only 12?," these are the words my wife yells to herself looking down at the Menu at The Mayan restaurant in Sandy, UT. You see the night had started out great, happy to know that it was the start of the weekend, as always my wife and I were planning a Friday night date, we figured we'd go get some dinner and then a movie, so far everything was going great, we pulled up at the Sandy Megaplex parking lot and bought tickets for the 9:35 pm showing of The Soloist. We were both way stoked about it, the only thing now was getting some food. I wanted to go to The Cheese Cake Factory but due to the lack of time we had left that was out of the question, here is where our adventure begins. First we decide that the Cheese Cake Factory is too far, and more than likely would be super busy with tons of trendy Men and Women lining up waiting for the chance at getting a table, minimum of a 40 minute wait, no doubt about that. So on to the next step or plan B, there is only a hand full of places were we can eat here, we have Ruby River Steakhouse, Joe's Crab Shack, The Mayan and some crappy looking Italian place which I don't remember the of. So we first hit Joe's Crab Shack, it smelled so bad, and it was so dirty looking that I was not impressed at all. We walked out and headed to the Mayan, again only 12 menu entrees available here, and none are for less than 9 or 10 dollars, not impressed. So on to Ruby River, not that enticing sorry, the smell of peanuts and beer mixed with the sounds of country music just didn't sit well with us. So what are we to do? well we drove down to Carl's Jr and had ourselves a Six Dollar Guacamole Burger, it was great. As all this was going on, I was rather ornery, hungry and a bit depressed, you see I had been struck with bad luck lately, had issues at work, I wasn't happy at all, and to make matters worse we couldn't eat at the restaurant I wanted to eat at, instead I got stuck eating at Carl's. After a small scuffle with my wife about dumn things that I wanted to buy, we started talking about my future, about what my plans were, sure enough I got uncomfortable because I didn't want to hear it at that time. Through prayer and my wife's loving touch and tact, love was in the air again.

PART II

There I am sitting, watching in amazement at how much pollution there is in the streets of L.A.. Its sad to think that men and women can live this way, in the cold concrete, fighting hunger, addiction, rats, gang violence. But sadly enough this is the life that most people live on an everyday basis. Then as a ray of sunshine would give your heart ease at knowing that the storm is long gone, the amazing sound of music comes and soothes the pain that is felt by so many here, it makes it all alright, as if life is not that cruel, not so... unpredictable. The sound is coming from a homeless man playing the Cello, such an amazing talent that can't easily be taught, but yet this man plays with such a confidence, such ease, its hard no to get caught in the storm of sound caressing ones eardrum. Nathaniel Ayers, a musical prodigy who once attended the world renown Juilliard School in New York City, is now part of the millions of homeless men and women who populate Los Angeles. Its a sad way of life, but this is his life none the less. He sufferers from Schizophrenia, this is the reason why he spends his days wondering the streets of L.A., playing in front of no one at all, in front of roaring traffic, in front of so many homeless people in SKID ROW, and not playing at the Disney Concert Hall, a place he idolizes. This movie has moved me, at times I laugh, at times I feel like crying but I hold back, its gritty and real, the way they have captured the horror which is homelessness is great, at times too real to enjoy. One wonders how is it that we can live so pampered, worried about what to wear the next day, what restaurant we will eat that night or week end, what new game or worthless toy to buy, what new movie to go out and see, and yet there is so many people who are wondering if they will be able to eat at all, will they be able to sleep OK, if they will make it another day without being prey to gang violence and drugs. there is a different taste in my mouth now, try not to take what you have for granted, relax and enjoy your blessed life because no matter how much you think you are going through, there is someone that has it worse than you. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.