5.27.2009

Nerdtacular III: The Wrath of the Über Nerd (Part I)

Commentator's voice: Welcome back faithful readers. In the last installment our hero, the humble, the great, the good looking, the handsome, the powerful, the magnificent, the acrobatic, the giving, the merciful, the enigma, the potato, the fish, the sock, I love lamp..... wait I'm rambling, Hem! sorry about that. Now where was I?.. oh yeah, our hero David, the Brave Mexican was in deep poo as he was captured by the Nerds who work for the Über Nerd. Will this be the last we ever see of our hero as a normal person?

Captains log: I don't know how I got to this point but it feels right, the knowledge of all the WOW (that's the acronym for World of Warcraft) levels available to Men, the lour of Dungeons and Dragons, the enigma which is the love affair that one can have with trading cards, the many lost hours one can spend online playing with people I can't even see and probably will never meet..... wait this is not where..... I'm missing something, where did my desire for a normal life go? I love physical activity, I love sports, don't I?. This is all happening so fast, I'm chained up in what looks like a basement with rusty pipes all over the sealing, the smell of mildew and stale pizza is suffocating. I feel my hands thirst for blood circulation, it's hard to move, what happened? I try to move my arm's and they are suspended above my head, It looks like I'm handcuffed. Ah! my head, it aches reminiscing of a night of heavy drinking, I feel a bit dizzy and I'm having trouble focusing my eye sight. Drip... Drip.... Drip is all I hear, the beat of a single droplet of water obeying the law of gravity on its way down to meet its doom upon hitting the ground which has collected enough drops that a puddle of water has gathered. All the sudden I hear foot steps and laughter, the Über Nerd!

Über Nerd: Hello David, its been a good battle, but all must come to an end sometime. And now it's your turn to come to an end.
David: Well well well I see that time has not been kind to you Über, or is that the lack of sun and motion?
Über Nerd: Funny, I see you haven't lost your sense of humor. I'm glad because you will loose the rest of what makes you, you.
David: What do you mean?
Über Nerd: Oh my Nerds didn't tell you? I completely re arranged your thoughts soon enough you will be one of us! hahahahah!
David: Holy Crap!
Über Nerd: Yes I know what you are thinking, "No I don't want to be a Nerd, you guys are a bunch of girls who never date and if you do then its all done online" and maybe that's true but its great!, think about it man, just think about it. You could be my right hand Nerd, the pack leader. Ah, what do you think?
David: Never! I will fight this to the end, you hear me! to the END!
Über Nerd: Then so be it!. NERDS! make sure he doesn't go anywhere, I want him ready to serve as soon as I comeback, its almost 8, my mom needs me to clean my room and Babygotback09 is waiting for our Cyber date. Wish me luck!
Nerd 1: Good luck Scott!
Nerd 2: Yeah good luck Scott
Über Nerd: Idiots I told you not to call me that! its Boss when we are around guest. Gosh!

And off he went, up the stairs to his room. Now if I can only mustard the strength to get rid of these Nerds and get myself free, there must be some sort of way I can reverse this spell. I got it! his Dungeons and Dragons play night dates, they must know how to reverse this. The Nerds are off to themselves playing Pokemon, I must brake loose, this is the time, I won't have a better chance. I start to yank on the pipe that I'm handcuffed to and I notice it's starts to budge a little bit, so I make sure the Nerds don't notice... I'm clear. I tug once more and it rattles more, I feel it coming down, the Nerds are fully aware now, they start to make their way towards me and I, in a panic yank the whole pipe down with me, as it comes down It takes one of the Nerds down splashing the other one with a stream of water. The basement starts to flood, with water up to my ankles I run up to the other Nerd before he is able to get up and I kick him right on the gut, he lets out a noise that resembles a Yelp from a Chihuahua. I pay no attention to it and I make sure they aren't getting back up. I take the key from his pocket and undo the handcuffs.

I run up the stairs and I'm getting closer to madness, I feel weak, my limbs start to fluctuate from muscle to fat and back to muscle, my face starts to hurt as pimples begin to surface, my vision is getting blurry, I must hurry and escape this place before It consumes me whole. As I make my way to the door I see a battalion of Nerds, they are everywhere, this is not going to be easy. I start making my way through the ranks of Nerds, knocking 2 to 3 at a time, 1-2 1-2 combos, chin kicks, kidney punches, I'm laying them down, my rage is strong, my adrenaline is pumping and I come to the end of the line... I'm beat, I'm not myself, I feel like my knees are about to give out on me. Just as I feel like I'm home free I see the Über Henchman, He is a menacing figure ready to tango, I take one last sip of breath and we engage in battle!...

To Be Continued......

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