2.26.2009

Mission Impossible

This is a story of agony, of pain and of anguish mixed with a bit of martial arts, midgets and explosions. How hard is it for a kid to have been dreaming of something for so long, like a trip to Disney Land and he or she comes to find out that daddy and mommy are flat broke so instead of going to Disney this year son/daughter we are going to Trafalga! ha? no? nothing? well that is how hurt and disappointed I was, this.... is ..... my endless heart brake.
Lets start from when I first tasted the goodness which is known around the world as The Provo Bakery, My hermano Brian has a tradition when ever we go to Idaho to visit the Family, he always brings them goodness in the shape of doughnuts. Now until this last time we went for our Nephew's baptism I had not had these little round treasures, but I made the grave mistake of actually partaking of the joy this last trip. I had what I consider to be the best doughnut ever, raspberry covered. Oh! I am getting a bit hungry for some as we speak. I put it in the microwave for 10 seconds and I had a big glass of milk to go with it.... it was life altering. Never had I known that doughnuts could be so good, they should be illegal because of how addicting they can be.
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, I was not feeling so great. I was coming down with the flu and I hate being sick because I almost never get sick, but when I do it takes a bit to get rid of it. So I decided to take a half day from work, it was a Wednesday morning and I had been craving some Provo Bakery since that fateful day in Idaho. So I called my wife and told her I would be stopping by to pick up some goodness (code word for doughnuts). I pull up and I'm like a boy at a candy store..... but this candy store was a doughnut store and the boy was me, so in a way nothing different but..... OK you get the point. I start to salivate allot, I don't know where to begin so I do what any normal man would do in this situation, I ordered an assorted dozen that way I can fall in love 12 times.
It was a joyous week because we had goodness in the home, it lasted long enough for my wife and I to get addicted, so when they were gone our home felt a bit empty. Somehow coming home from work was not the same, I felt a void in me and I couldn't point it out. It felt like something had died inside of us. It was hard, the withdrawals were severe and painful. Specially with the flu and nothing to cope with. It was a lonely week and then I decided last week that I would stop to get some more goodness, a dozen but only this time we would get only Apple Fritters, Raspberry doughnuts, and my wife's favorite the Butter Milk ones. It was a beautiful sight to imagine, our home would once again be filled with love and joy.
It was Monday, I drive after work to accomplish my mission, get a dozen doughnuts and get out, but sneak a bite or 2 just to ease the nerves. I drive up to the building and it looked a bit desolate like in the spaghetti westerns, tumble weeds rolling by without a care, the noise of wind whistling off cracks from the walls and of the trees. I was a bit nervous, my heart jacked up the palpitations to its max, my palms started to gather perspiration, my mouth got a bit dry from anxiety but like a man I was ready for the outcome. I got off my trusty steed (2000 Nissan Maxima) with both arms out on both sides, my fingers twirling to my sides as if ready to draw my guns off the holsters I walked up slowly to what came as a surprise..... the door had a sign that read Hours of Operation Tuesday trough Saturday till 6 pm closed Sunday and Monday. NO!!!!! I yelled out at the top of my lungs, dropping to my knees in shock and terror. How would I overcome this great blow? would I be able to get back up? would I be the same ever again? only time would tell.
I Finlay snapped out of it and regained consciousness, I took out my phone and dialed the boss.
The Boss (Jenny): Did you get it?
The Henchman (David): No, we stumbled across a bit of a problem
The Boss (Jenny): What is it?
The Henchman (David): They are closed on Monday
The Boss (Jenny): How is that possible? the plan was perfect!
The Henchman (David): I know, I am sorry this happened. Please give me another chance and I will accomplish the mission tomorrow, one more day is all I ask.
The Boss (Jenny): Fine, you have one more day to carry out this mission before I pull you off it. But I still need something from you today, I need a treat.
The Henchman (David): Copy, I shall retrieve something from the gas station. I will not let you down!
The Boss (Jenny): I know you wont, or else.

I drove to Texaco to get her some hot Cheetos and a powdered doughnuts for a snack. Tuesday came around and the anticipation was high, I was walking towards my trusty steed when the boss texted me, "Getting Doughnuts?" to what I replied "Yes, on my way" I was on a mission, not only for my sake but for the boss's sake as well. Knowing that her butter milk cravings were getting out of control I needed to accomplish this or else all would be lost. I drove up, I was determined to finish the task at hand with flying colors. I open the door and with a burst of machismo I said "I need a dozen" to what the girl said "OK, what would you like?" oh man I had been waiting for those words to reverberate from within my ear drums for almost 2 weeks and now it was here. "I would like... 4 raspberry ones" I say, so she grabs 4 of them. "OK, what else?" she asked, "I would like 4 apple fritters please" she starts monitoring the display, with disbelief I i closed my eyes and thought of a happy place where doughnuts never run out, where you can eat as much junk food as you want and never get fat, but that thought was disturbed by the worst thing I have heard in a good while. "We are actually out of apple fritters" she replayed. What?! no apple fritters? what is this? where am I? the twilight zone? this can't be, "No apple fritters? well do you have some in the back?" I say in a panic. "No I'm afraid we don't" she calmly responds, does she not care about my cravings? "OK what about 4 of the butter milk ones" I say, and again she starts looking for them. "Ah, no we are out of those as well"

Can you believe this? what was I to do? I stand there struck with a glare of disappointment, my mouth was wide open, as if I had just witnessed a murder or something horrible. "But those are the only ones I want" I respond, so she tells me with a smile "Well, would you like to place an order for tomorrow?". No I don't want to place an order for tomorrow! what are you mad?! I need my fix now woman!, and you don't have what I want, com on!. "Just cancel the order"I said and with a sad face I retreated back to my steed and called the boss.

The Boss (Jenny): Well, do you have them?
The Henchman (David): Negatory, they are out
The Boss (Jenny): What?!
The Henchman (David): Yes, they are out of fritters and butter milk
The Boss (Jenny): Well you are out of this one, I shall get them from some one else
The Henchman (David): But from who?
The Boss (Jenny): I don't know, Albertsons?
The Henchman (David): Are you kidding, once you have these everything else is garbage.
The Boss (Jenny): Well Ill think of something, for the time being go back to the hide out. Ill see you when I'm done with work

So to this mission impossible there is no happy ending, we have yet to eat goodness from the Provo Bakery, and its Thursday. I'm starting to itch a bit, but its OK because I shall try again on Saturday, one last attempt at completing this mission. You hear that world? I shall do this no matter what! stay tuned Until next time.


5 comments:

Jennifer said...

Very creative my love.

Jennifer said...

Very creative love.

Dacia said...

Oh my gosh, you're hilarious! I can just taste those donuts right now. Thanks a lot!!!!!! That's the one thing about that awesome place--you love their donuts, but the ones you want are not always in stock ;)

At least we aren't having any either, but I'm sure jealous for when you do!!!

Mags said...

David...you kill me!! I'm dying of laughter over here...you freak!
Love you.

pechonona said...

You are freaking hilarious. Just stumbled over here from Molly's blog. Love your style of writing.