Sammy vs Goliath

This is a disclaimer:
Now I am not an animal beater but as I have learned my culture tends to discipline pets (dogs) by hitting them, nothing worth PETA's time but still that is the way we did it in Mexico and well we live here now so it has rubbed off. I love our 2 dogs to death, not as much as I love my wife but I do love them. I don't hit anymore but I thought it would be funny to tell this story but I wanted to explain my actions first. (Please don't judge me)

With that out the way lets Begin, It was a hot summer day in Orem Utah, the year was 2005 and I was having a hankering for DQ's blizzards that year, and so as I did almost every day I went and got a Cherry Chocolate Love blizzard, oh my, my mouth is watering as we speak. i got home and I plastered my sweet rear to the couch and turned the TV on to enjoy this amazing treat.

While I was getting acquainted with my treat my mother who I may add had not driven for about 25 to 30 years or more, was finally getting over her personal fears of driving. So she took my 2 nephews to scouts in my sisters Pathfinder. There I am shoving each spoon full of love in my...... wait let me reword that..... ah, I was eating my blizzard, how bout that? OK so I'm eating and all the sudden the door slams open, its my mother freaking out, I don't know whats going on but I try to get her to speak, she tells me she just crashed the car in to the neighbors yard so we race out side to check out the scene.

Lets rewind, as I was getting comfy on the couch, my madre (that's Spanish for mom, just for your gee whiz collection) was driving to scouts, now both of my nephews were sitting in the back and no one was on the passenger side, back then we lived in my aunt Martah's basement and her house is right on the corner, her neighbor across the street from us is a man by the name of Fillipo, he is one of the nicest people I have ever known. As my aunts house his house is also the corner house of the street, but his house has a white picket fence... yeah I kid you not.

My "madre" was making a right hand turn on the corner's stop, and as she was doing so the passenger door swung open, all this happen with in seconds. My nephew Danny yells at my madre "Bita (that's the kids name for their grandma, its a long story) the door is open!" keep in mind this is happening during my madres attempt to turn right on to the street, as she hears this she freaks out and reaches out to get the door behind her...... not realizing that the door that was open was the passenger door. Any experienced driver would know or react this way as well but the difference between them and my madre is that they would take their foot off the gas.

With her torso turned towards the back and the foot on the gas my madres attempt at saving her nephews life was stopped by a big menacing white picket fence, the car ran straight in to Fillipos front yard. I hope I made a good visual for you. Now again an experienced driver would have done things different, but my mom was not one yet. So she did what any Mexican woman would do, she put the car in reverse and got back on the horse, sort of. She told her self that if she didn't keep driving she would never do it again. She was in a similar car accident years back, but the target was a tree and not a perfect white picket fence.

She drove to drop the kids off, almost as a woman on a mission, badly wounded and gasping for the strength to finish that mission. Both of my nephews were scared and I'm sure wanting to break free of the grasp of my madre's determined will to finish her mission. She made it to church and back very slowly.

OK so back to were we left off, there I was staring at a 5 foot 4" woman, shaking in panic. I calmed her as best as I could, letting her know that this stuff happens to every one...... i had to tell her that. We walked outside to look at the damage and to talk to Fillipo as my madre neglected to let the fence owner know, "Well hello there, lovely day ain't it? oh by the way I just drove 2 tons worth of car in to your front yard, and the fence was in my way, sorry?" Now the car was OK, just a bent fender, and scratches all over the passenger door, that to be honest looked like a painting of the mountains.

I talk to Fillipo and apologize for what happened, and just like him to say "Is your mom OK? well that's all that matters to me. I'm sure this can be fixed." and that was that, we didn't involve our insurance as this might of made it go a bit higher, so I had to call around to find the cheapest fence service to repair the issue. This ended up costing my madre about 400 dollars. But she was just relieved that her mission was completed.

We walk back towards the house, by this time joking about what just transpired. So I can paint a picture of the next few seconds, I have to describe how the house was arranged. Since we lived in a basement apartment you walk in trough the kitchen, which is connected to a living room, the way it was laid out, the couch was against the wall and you would see it as soon as you walked in. The TV right in front of it against the other wall. Then the hallway would stretch, with 3 doors on your left hand side, the first is the laundry room which is always closed, then followed the bathroom, where our miniature schnauzer Sammy resided, and after that was my room. Right across my room was my madre's room which she shared with my sister (this being before she was married) and the last door in the small basement was my nephews room.

As we walk back home I start to remember my DQ Blizzard that awaited me inside, it was hot and the stress that we just went trough brought my sweet tooth back with a vengeance. started to salivate a bit and start dreaming of what was about to happen, when I walk in to my surprise I catch Sammy on top of the couch, his Heine legs stretched out and his other half on top of the TV dinner table we had (which was not a tv dinner table at all but a regular folding table with a plastic top and legs made out of steel), enjoying that delicious treat just as much or even more than I was a few minutes ago. As I realize what was unfolding in front of my eyes, Sammy looks up at us with a snout full of ice cream with a look of panic as if to say "Oh! I know what this looks like, but I assure you that it was like this when I got here, as a matter of fact it was Rocco (my aunts spotted chihuahua that resided upstairs) and I scared him away, so I figured I check out your Blizzard to make sure he didn't eat it all" I stare at him for what seemed like forever and yell out "Sammy!" I take off after him hellbent on beating him to a pulp, he saw the fire in my eyes and jumped off the couch and booked it towards the bathroom, his safe Haven.

I chased him inside and was able to get a kick on his rear but he eluded all of my other attempts, he jumped in the bathtub and as I closed in on him he jumped out, it was like he was fighting for his life being chased by Jaws himself. So off to the scene of the crime again, I chased him for a few seconds until I was able to corner him against the couch and the legs of the fake TV dinner table. It was like watching a Rocky movie in which I played the part of Apollo "The Master of Disaster," "The King of Sting," "The Count of Monte Fisto"Creed and he was Rocky "The Italian Stallion" Balboa. I put up my fist ready to bash his face in and so he proceed to put his paws up as to say "OK you don't believe me, fine lets do this!"

I throw my first devastating blow towards his snout and what does he do? like the pro boxer he is, he bobs his head to his right, my left and I hit the metal leg of the table bruising my hand in the process, I'm sure he was laughing inside and so was my madre, because as all of this unfolded she was still standing in the kitchen amused and horrified at the same time. To make a long story short I ended up wining the bout by knockout and had to throw my beloved blizzard away. That day I learned a lesson, never go toe to toe with a Miniature Schnauzer bent on staying alive.

So as time went on I never again left my Blizzards unsupervised and Sammy and I became best friends. Now my wife and I spoil the poo out of him, we went as far a buying him a wife.

The End.

P.s. I don't hit him anymore and I don't condone animal cruelty. Just thought I state that again. Sorry PETA, and sorry Sammy.

This is Sammy 3 years after that unforgettable bout.

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